i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
