nutella sex= disaster
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize