I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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