i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
