I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
