so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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