i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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