im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
