i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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