so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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