wanna go halves on a baby?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
