she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
