Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
