Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
