I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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