I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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