the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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