speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
