Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
