Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
