It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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