i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
