Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I will pee on everything he values.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
