Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
