we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
