their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
