please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize