Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
