my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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