The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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