i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
