Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is her dick bigger than yours?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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