All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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