And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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