I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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