I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
