if only i could text you this smell
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
