3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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