apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
