Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
