Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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