She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
