His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
