I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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