WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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