if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize