Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
