O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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