Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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