Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
