everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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