and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
