Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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