Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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