I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
