ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
