I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize