People in love make me want to vomit
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Pooping to opera.
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