Someone shit on the floor
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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