i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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