How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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