she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
