just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
