i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
