4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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