His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
