There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
