I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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